Have the conversation already!

Hard Conversation


Most of us don’t like hard conversations.  Few of us charge head first into conflict.  But without difficult conversations we don’t have real relationships.   Author Tim Ferris goes so far as to say that, “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations that he or she is willing to have.”

In healthy relationships, people don’t let tensions rise until they explode.  Instead, they work through issues as they arise, acknowledging tensions rather than covering them up.  What are the consequences of postponing hard conversations?

Avoiding conflict ruins relationships

Whole families are dysfunctional because of the absence of conflict.  By conflict, I don’t mean throwing things and hitting people.  I mean being willing to have hard conversations, confront where necessary, and speak the truth in love.  A family that doesn’t engage in and work through healthy conflict is broken.

Avoiding conflict won’t make it go away

Many people believe that if they procrastinate long enough they can avoid the hard conversation. In fact, avoiding conflict usually makes things worse.

Avoiding conflict is bad leadership

Good leaders don’t avoid hard conversations.   In your home, with your kids, with those who work under you, with those around you, commit to speaking the truth in love.

Who do you need to have a hard conversation with?

Posted by Brian Howard

My focus is to help YOU move forward one step at a time. I write about church excellence, personal productivity, and family leadership. I coach leaders, start churches, and help organizations break growth barriers. My goal is to draw on this experience to help YOU move forward in life, leadership, and productivity.

  1. Great thoughts B! i am so guilty of not wanting to have those conversations. Although i’m trying to change, these conversations are very tough, especially with close friends.


  2. Great reminder. Two books that influenced me in this are: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and Fierce Conversations.


    1. Those are two books I’m not familiar with. I’ll check them out. Thanks for the recommendation.


  3. What a great topic Brian. It reminds me of how many times this year I’ve had to have hard conversations with either a family member or someone in my circle of sphere. It’s very painful but also – I was thinking, that in all of these cases, having a hard conversation couldn’t possibly be avoided, since they demanded immediate solutions between parties. I don’t like conflict so I tend to practice “conflict prevention” in my relationships by having proper discourse with others, trying to avoid sarcasm, avoid insults (or what might be perceived as an insult), and basically being diplomatic – those kind of things. But when conflict raises its ugly head in spite of all my efforts, here we go. It can easily affect our health, mental state, and even blood pressure when this happens. A couple of things to remember: Pray if you’re a praying person. Get consultation from a trusted and seasoned friend or professional if necessary, but by all means, approach with humility and a teachable spirit, realizing that we may have had a hand in the conflict itself. God will honor our efforts to be humble and most often actually speaks through us.


  4. […] have previously written that A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations t… If you want to move forward in life, you will need to be willing to have hard conversations. This […]


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